中国明朝时，有个叫洪自诚的人，综合了儒、释、道三家的菁华，写了一部《菜根谭》，对于待人接物，居家处世等道理，有十分深刻睿智的阐发。其中说到﹕「家人有过，不宜暴怒，不宜轻弃。此事难言，藉他事隐讽之；今日不悟，俟来日再警之。如春风解冻，如和气消冰，才是家庭的典范。」

During the Ming Dynasty in China, an author named Hong Zichen integrated the essence of Confucianism, Buddhism and Taoism into Discourses Regarding the Roots of Vegetables. In this publication, Hong Zichen expounded immensely profound and wise principles with regard to interacting with people and things, to maintaining a household and to handling mundane business. He mentioned in the book that, "When family members make a mistake, we should not become angry and give up too easily. If an issue is difficult to discuss, then use other matters to allude to the issue at hand. If family members do not understand immediately, then warn them again at another time. The model for families should resemble the spring wind that melts deep-freezes or the balmy air that thaws ice."

《朱子治家格言》上也说到﹕「刻薄成家，理无久享。」这是说，居家待人要宽厚才能维持长久；但虽说要宽厚，却又要有严格的规矩，不但要长幼有序，也要内外有别。所以《朱子治家格言》上又强调说﹕「长幼内外，宜法肃辞严。」有的人，或者待人宽厚，却往往失之过宽，而变成没内没外，没大没小；或者言行端正，却往往失之过严，而令人敬而远之。中庸之道是律己端整，待人宽和；就算是自家人，也应相敬如宾，不宜过分狎昵。

Mr. Chu’s Proverbs on Managing the Household also said, " A household established on miserliness will not last." This is to say that one must be generous and tolerant in treating others and running a home to make family ties lasting. Although you should be generous in maintaining a home and treating people, you must also have some strict rules that ensure levels of seniority between the old and the young and differentiation between insiders and outsiders. At the same time, Mr. Chu’s Proverbs on Managing the Householdemphasized that "We should apply serious methods and stern words toward elders, youngsters, insiders and outsiders." Some people may treat others generously but make the mistake of being too lenient, thus blurring the line between insiders and outsiders. In contrast, some people speak and behave in an upright manner, but make the mistake of being too severe, thus causing people to respectfully keep their distance. The middle way in conducting oneself properly and treating others generously and harmoniously, is to regard family members as if they were guests and not be overly intimate.

中国汉朝时有位好官刘宽，他修养一流，不但不轻易动怒，管理人民也很宽厚。人民犯了罪，他不用重刑，至多用蒲草做的鞭子，轻轻打几下就算了。有一次，刘宽穿着便服，坐着牛车出门去。半路上，有个农民拦住路，硬说那是他家走丢了的牛。刘宽也不和他争辩，就下车走路回家。隔几天，那个农民找回他的牛，又打听出来，原来让他这头牛的竟是大官刘宽；急忙牵牛去还，并跪着认罪。刘宽很温和地说﹕「东西有相似的地方，事情有误会的时候。你又不是故意的，有什么罪？你起来，回去吧！」这一回，那农民连轻轻的蒲鞭都没挨一下。

During the Han Dynasty in China, there was a benevolent government official named Liu Kuan. His cultivation was first-rate; not only was he tolerant and mild-tempered, but he was also very generous and kind to the people. Whenever a local resident violated the law, he refused to use the more severe forms of punishment. At the most, he would lightly spank the offender a few times with a whip made of rushes. Once when Liu was traveling in his oxcart dressed in civilian clothes, a farmer blocked Liu’s path and insisted that the ox Liu was riding was the one the farmer had lost. Liu didn’t even argue with him; instead Liu stepped off the cart and walked home. A few days later, the farmer found his ox and realized that the ox he had claimed belonged to the high-ranking officer Liu Kuan, so he rushed to return Liu’ s ox, even kneeling to apologize. Liu warmly said to him, "Sometimes things appear similar; mistakes are bound to happen. Since you didn’t do this on purpose, what crime have you committed? Get up and run along!" That time, the farmer didn’t even receive a light beating.

因为刘宽修养太好了，他的夫人就想试试他，是不是真的不会发脾气。一天早晨刘宽穿好了朝服，准备去觐见皇帝；他的夫人就叫老妈子端了一碗热汤，给他当早点吃，但却故意把汤打翻。结果老妈子把汤打翻在他朝服上，吓得不得了，连他的夫人都以为这回他一定要发脾气了。殊不知刘宽不但没生气，反而急急关心老妈子说﹕「烫着手没有？」然后去另找件衣服换上，才去上朝。像刘宽这样子待婢仆百姓，就是「慈而宽」了！御下慈而宽，就能得拥护，也才能久长。反之，若以强权大势压迫人，只能令人畏服一时，不能心服一世。

Since Liu cultivated excellently, his wife wanted to test his temper. One morning, Liu had put on his formal clothing in preparation for a meeting with the emperor. At that time, Liu’s wife told an elderly maid- servant to serve a bowl of hot soup to Liu for breakfast, but Liu’s wife intentionally knocked the soup over so that it spilt onto Liu’s formal robe. The housemaid was alarmed and the wife thought Liu would certainly be outraged this time. To their surprise, not only did Liu remain unruffled, he earnestly inquired after the elderly woman, saying, "Did you burn your hand?" Liu then went to change into another robe before heading to the emperor’s court. Liu consistently treated his servants and his citizens with kindness and tolerance. One who supervises with kindness and tolerance receives lasting support from subordinates. On the other hand, one who uses force and intimidation to oppress people will only make others submit temporarily in fear, but will not win their hearts over for a lifetime..

从前鲁定公曾对颜回称赞东野毕是驾马车的高手，而尽得孔子心传的颜回却说﹕「东野毕技术是没话说，可是我担心他的马随时会倒下来。」鲁定公很不高兴。没想到，三天后东野毕的马真倒下了两匹；鲁定公忙再把颜回请来，问他怎能预知东野毕的马会倒下来？颜回就说﹕「以前大舜是号称最善用民力的，因为他从不竭尽民力；造父是号称最善御马的，因为他从不竭尽马力。所以大舜没有力尽的人民，造父没有力尽的马。

In the past, Lord Ding of the State of Lu had praised Dongye Bi’s skill in charioteering to Yan Hui. However, Yan Hui, who had received the mind-transmission from Confucius, replied, "There is no question about Dongye Bi ’s skill, but I’m concerned that his horses will collapse at any moment." Lord Ding was quite upset. Incredibly though, three days later, two of Dongye Bi ’s horses fell; thus Lord Ding scurried to invite Yan Hui back. When Lord Ding asked Yan Hui how he was able to predict the fall of Dongye Bi ’s horses, Yan Hui answered, "In the past, Da Shun was best known for how well he used the strength of his citizenry because he never drained their energy. Zao Fu was reputed to be the best equestrian because he never drained his horses’ energy. Thus, Da Shun never wore out his citizens while Zao Fu never wore out his horses.

而东野毕的驾马方式虽中规中矩，但整天奔驰不休，马跑累了也不让它休息，还要做这做那，所以我猜知他的马支持不久。」颜回更进一步引申﹕「鸟被逼急了会啄人；兽被逼急了会咬人；马被逼急了会败蹄；人被逼急了，什么谎言都会说得出，什么坏事都会做得出！历史上从没有逼压百姓，而不出事的。」

Although Dongye Bi ’s riding style is technically correct, he rides all day without a break. Even when Dongye Bi ’s horses are tired, he makes them do this and that rather than let them rest. Therefore I guessed that his horses would not last." Yan Hui further expostulated, "Birds that are cornered will peck, beasts that are pushed will bite, horses that are treated harshly will collapse, people who are pressured will lie and do all kinds of awful things! Historically, an outburst never fails to occur as a result of oppression."